the crab in me..

being a june bug allows me to be either a gemini or a cancer..

and i AM a crab. born on june 23..

one of my zodiac weakness is the fact that im clingy and unable to let go. which can sometime sucks really bad.. i love deeply.. i hold my friends and family closely to my heart, and noo sometimes i do not want to let them go..

even though at times i really need to

i get my heartbroken easily.. because i love too deeply

i wish i could just be a lion like a leo or a bull like a taurus

but not no wackass crab lol

but im blogging about this because i had a friend who i cared for deeply.. its a long story ..but long story turned short, we're no longer friends i still care for him and still think about him and wish he would just talk to me.. but he doesnt want to..

and why cant i accept that?? its because im CLINGY and cant let go.. ughs what gives!!!

but i have to move on, maybe this blog will make me move on .. but :sighs: still miss him..

a friend will always be there, if not then theyre just associates and not real friends afterall

status : in a relationship..

i fight with him more than i fight with anyone else, (besides my mother)
i love him deeply.. HE and i have been together nearly 6years, sometimes i yell and scream about how he takes me for granted.. how he doesnt appreciate all the things i do for him.. i tell him to tell me how he feels about me, and he always simply says "i love you". to me, hearing it so often for 6years.. the words i love you no longer have the same effect. but i know he loves me, i can see it in his eyes, and in his hands when he touches mine, i know it when he rubs my back almost everynight.. he rubs it to soothe me and help me get to sleep. we fight, we argue, and we love deeply..
sometimes we can get so bad on this emotional rollercoaster, and others tell me i should leave him. but NEVER TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS NOBODY.. and never leave the one who you still love deeply.. if the feelings are still there, why break up? why leave the one you love? that doesnt make sense..

i will stay by his side, through whatever..
go up mountains, through storms, walk in deserts and forests to be where he is..

i found a photo (:

in this photo i was about 4 or 5 months pregnant with christian. i was REALLY small.. lol, i felt beautyful in this photo, i was showing off my pregnant stomach to a friend.. but i just logged on into my photobucket account and low and behold... pregnant cece!

onika maraj

soo one thing i absoutely love is.. music..
& im deff feeling nicki minaj..
the trini, african, and asian born queens, new york native
is deff making the music scene light up..

at first i blocked nicki minaj as just another rapper, gimmick, wackness?
i even pronounced her name as (nicki meena-jay) until HE corrected me, and said its minaj (mee-naj) haha! but i finally gave her a listen "beem me up scotty" a good mixtape.. then she like BLEW THE FUCK UP overnight.. i saw her on everything.. collarbarating with the likes of mariah carey, usher, lil wayne, and the sexiness of ROBIN THICKEEE.

but she's about to drop her new video .. 'massive attack'
cant wait to see how she performs solo..




still dont get that :barbie: stuff though.

a rainy day in the bronx..

i guess spring hit! because the rain in new york city is hitting hard.. i love the grey clouds, the smell of fresh fallen rain..

my favorite thing in nature is rain. the weather perfect for sleeping, or love making.. but for me today its the perfect time to reflect and analyze who i really want to be. i want to be more than just a mother, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a sister.. i want to be the woman whose confidence shine through whatever situation.. her strength can get through any situation. i want to be the woman who has ambition.. not shy... not scared. i want to be newer, brighter, stronger..

sometimes i feel myself being as greyscale as these rainy clouds.. i feel like im losing my "umph" my rainbow-color filled personality.. i feel that im taking life day 2 day with no happiness no excitement and no joy.. just like this humdrum rainy day.

but that will all change.


it always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun...

wtf happened to platonic friendships?!

do they exist?
are there even any heterosexual male and female friendships when they can talk about everything besides... the three letter word....?! where they dont fantasize about jumping the other's bones...if they havent already that is, if so point them out to me, they deserve a gold star!

i would like to be more, but i rather be platonic than not friends at all.

i wish i was a man..

..because most men, can leave their emotions behind when it comes to sex
most women when they sex they sex with their feelings and when its just sex they often get hurt

..because most men, dont share their feelings they hold it in.
they hide what their hearts are saying, women share their feelings leaving them vulnerable..